Blog post written by Shawn Burke
My 8 mile Capital Reef “Ultra”
It’s Monday and that of course means an “Easy 8” is on the
menu.
In AB (Atlantic Beach) an easy 8 is all about the “3 S’s”
which are Shorts, Shoes and Shades.
Ok…maybe if you are with GF (Greek Freak) there might be another “S” J BUT….being that we are in Southern Utah
near Capital Reef, my 8 mile run had a supply list that was a little more
extensive. Shorts, Shoes, Shades, Base
Layer, Shirt, Buff, Phone, Knife, TP, $10, Garmin, Gel and water. Yes…all this for an 8 mile run. In my defense it was the desert and I
was doing a trail run.
I head out from our cabin and it is really pretty
chilly. I start my normal
“self-chatter” and I gloat a little for being smart enough to think of the
“Buff”. I also notice that
the shirt I am wearing smells a LOT like the BBQ I cooked last night. I still think "man, I am smart for
dressing warm."
I cross the paved street and head immediately into the
desert on a fire road. I am
running along and I think, "Man…I need to run more…I am seriously hurtin’ and I
just started"
. Maybe it‘s altitude
(7600’) or the lack of water, sleep, food, whatever but this needs to get
better. I am also thinking, I am
in the desert and I really don’t know what is out here that can get me. Sh!t, what if I am not so high on the
food chain. Bears, wolves, cats,
damn it…I knew I should have asked someone what is dangerous here.
Ok, I have a knife, I am good. Wait…how long will it take me to get the knife out of my
shorts…maybe I should run with the knife in my hand…no…I will cut my finger
off…sh!t…where am I in the food chain.
I see a cow and I think…cool…I am not the only potential victim out
here. Wait…my shirt still smells
like a carnivore’s cologne…damn it.
Mile 1 done 10:08…man…I am out of shape.
I keep running on the fire road and I keep reminding myself,
I have not made any turns. It is
getting more and more desolate and I don’t want to get lost. I also take stock in the fact that I am
well prepared for “any” problem with my 12oz of water and my gel…just in case I
have to spend the night in the wild. I also think…if I fall in a crevasse, I
have my knife and I don’t want to…but I could cut my arm off if I need too…I
hope I don’t need to. I think my
brain is starting to go a little Tom Hanks in Castaway…Sh!t…I have only run 15
minutes…this sucks. I start to
play the mental game of mind stream…think of something and then just keep
drilling it down. Ok…I am in a
great place in the country and I am running all by myself…this is very cool…I
am like the original settlers of this land…wait…they are LDS. I wonder if LDS underwear chaff? Really??? Not what I want to think about…change channels…LDS would not
be that bad with multiple wives.
How many are you allowed to have?
I think 4 is a good number.
Wait…there is a BUNNY…cool…I am even higher on the food chain but I
still wish my shirt didn’t smell so bad.
Mile 2 done 10:05…hey…better
than the last mile…I am picking it up J
Ok…small section of hard ball road…remember that I need to
turn back on the dirt road coming home…don’t miss that turn…I don’t want to run
too far and I definitely don’t want to spend the night in the desert…by the
way…it’s 6:38am local. I
worry too much. I always thought
that my “ultra friends” Jen, Lane, Paulie, Andy and Sue are all nuts but now I
am completely convinced. Turn onto
dirt trail that says Great Western Trail.
Think to myself that this is a cool name. Again, fantasize about being the first person to ever run on
this trail. Tell myself I am a
badass for doing this…run around a corner and get scared by another bunny…this
one had long ears…damn it…I am not cut out for this Ultra stuff…I need to go
back to the beach…I grew up in New Jersey. Stop drink water.
Take selfie next to cool sign.
Text Jen and say I am not cut out for this Ultra crap. She replies that
I could not finish 26.3… I get slightly annoyed…think that “ultra’s” are stupid
and confirm that I will never do one…ever!!! Try to talk to myself to keep my mind off the running…realize
that I am NOT that interesting.
Mile 3 done…10:34…damn it…getting slower…seriously…I am
working…how can it be THAT slow???
Ok…one more mile and then I turn around. Focus…this “ultra” sh!t is not for me…I
am in the middle of nowhere…fu%^ing bunnies are everywhere and I am NOT feeling
the Zen. I just want this last
mile to click off and be done. I feel
really stupid about picking up that copy of Trail Runner at REI last weekend. Note to self, make sure I cancel
subscription. 135 miles in
the desert…my friends are NOT ok…I would have 132 more to go right now…this
sucks. My mouth feels like I
brushed my teeth with dryer lint…sh!t my lips just stuck together…ok…don’t
panic…they will come apart. This
is like the desert version of sticking your tongue to light post in the
winter. Man…I need water.
Mile 4 done…10:59…seriously…WTF??? I am moving backwards
again…this is BS…time to head back.
I turn around and I am greeted by a fantastic view of the
valley and all of Capital Reef. I
actually feel like my legs are not on fire anymore and I start to think…I must
have been climbing. The desert has
strange planes and I didn’t realize how much I had gone up. Wow…4 miles all uphill??? I check my watch and I am running
8:XX’s again…this is cool…stop and take picture and of course another “selfie”
only happier this time. (Take 3 to
make sure logo is in focus…gotta give some love to the sponsors J)
Mile 5 done…8:17…I am not as NEARLY as bad off as I thought
I was.
Back to my happy place…LDS non chaffing tri shorts and
multiple wives…small R+ section of thoughts…better not share those J Hey look…my shadow is in Black and
White…I look like a bad a$$ in black and white.
Mile 6 done…8:12…look out Dean Karnazes I am coming for
you!!!
Pass by Saltzman cattle ranch and wonder if Saltzman is an
LDS name…not sure but I don’t think so.
Confirm again that I would rather pet a cow than eat one. They are cute. Try to think if I ever saw a cute
chicken…no…still good with the bird.
Find right turn and compliment myself for remembering not to get lost. Still on course. 2 miles to go…probably not spending the
night in the desert. Still have
only seen 1 person on a bike and 1 car…2 Harley’s 100+ cattle and a sh!t ton of
rabbits!!!
Mile 7 done…8:09…descending the
descending J
Oh sh!t someone lives on this dirt road. I could have SWORN that house was
abandoned. It looked
abandoned??? Two men with shaved
heads in a pickup truck with an NRA sticker on the back window are walking out
of the front door. Crap…I am now
down on the food chain again.
Briefly contemplate how fast I can run…briefly contemplate my $10 as a
bribe…briefly contemplate the defensive use of my knife…briefly contemplate
these guys have no idea what Gluten Free is or will they ever. Briefly contemplate how feminine my
shaved legs and buff are. Briefly
contemplate if everything goes bad the viscous properties of a PowerBar gel
(love to the sponsors)…go to my happy place. Run faster…
Mile 8 done…7:59…broke 8…nice…back at the Cabin…no food
chain…no gels for lube…all is good
Realize that I am safe…think
about the run…completely forget the first 4 miles…
Text Jen and the Greek Freak about doing Rim to
rim. Goggle “rim to rim” on Coen’s
iPad…immediately realize that is NOT what I was looking for and quickly try to
clear memory and cache…sign up for Trail runner 24 month subscription and start
looking for routes for tomorrow J
Damn this 8 mile ultra sh!t is fun…it’s
all a slippery slope…especially when you are running downhill. Rim to Rim coming soon J
No comments:
Post a Comment